10 out of 10 people found the following review helpful:

Worst film this year

A Customer from Diss, 23rd October, 2009

This wass so bad my wife fell asleep within 10 mins. If you like women with breast implants wearing thongs you will love it. Otherwise prepare to be bored with bad acting bad script bad everything. Waste of time watching this. You have been warned.

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3 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

Funniest Horror/Comedy in ages.

RelentlessRob from , 22nd November, 2009

This film works on several levels so I'm not suprised that not many people get it. Ok for the guys the leading lady is a goddess and worth watching the film for that alone. Ladies the chivalry and romantic sub-plot i.e the lenghs the leading male goes to to keep his girl happy and the impossible twilight-esque love affair will have you feeling fuzzy for hours. Moments of pure comedy genius (Barneys Tidy up your mess song is inspired) and a middle digit to the degredation of modern society for the politically minded amounst us and a low budget chalm that adds to the overall impact of the cinematography and effects. This film will be a cult classic in the future. Watch and learn.

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3 out of 4 people found the following review helpful:

90 MINUTES OF DROSS

Minny from , 29th October, 2009

Let's take a slim girl with obvious implants,and fangsand keep her semi naked for most of the film, then take two guys who can't act but who can use the f***k word in every sentence, some gratuitious sex, lots of fake blood, a pathetic script and inane storyline AND, what do we get?? We get this banal production - shame on all those involved!!! I can sum this film up in three words, crap, crass & dross.

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1 out of 1 people found the following review helpful:

I was warned but didn't listen...

Purtlepootle from , 4th January, 2010

I read the reviews and rented it anyway. I like trashy horror sometimes and am familiar with Jason Mewes from Kevin Smith films so thought it would be okay. Plus sometimes when you think something is not going to be great you are pleasantly surprised. This really wasn't the case for Bitten-truly awful!

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A top five Golden Turkey contender

A Customer from midlands, 11th March, 2010

The best thing that can be said about this awful film, is the disc sleeve. It looks good. 'This is going to be a great movie', you hope. Just like you hope your numbers will come up in the lottery. Well, with this movie, you don't get a single number!! The other one star reviews say it all and what the reviewer, who gave it five stars, was watching, i can't imagine but it wasn't this. Don't waste your money or rental.

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*** May contain spoilers ***

Liked this film

MrHumphreys1979 from , 10th March, 2010

A lot of people dont like this film but actually I thought was ok. Granted its a little slow and dull to start but gets better after 20mins. A fan of vampire films and a BIG fan of Jason Mewes (better known as Jay in Dogma, Clerks, Zack and Miri Make a Porno and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back). Mewes even in a semi-serious role as this you still the muched loved character he normally portrays. Story is basically hes a night shift ambulance drivers who finds a woman dying from vampire bites and she developes more and more into a vampire and he falls in love with her and tries to help her but with great hardship. Not a Sci-Fi or action film but I would still recommend it for fans of vampire films and Jason Mewes.

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1 generous star for one moment of inspired genius in an otherwise hopeless mess...

Gigi72 from , 22nd February, 2010

I like art house. I like american off-the-wall film making. I like Vampires. I even like the lead actor. Despite all that, there is nothing to recommend this awful pile of rubbish. The only inspired thing in the whole disaster is the use of the Barney 'Tidy up your Mess' song. For that, it gets a star. Under duress. Please, please, please save an hour or so of your lives and do not watch this movie. It only encourages people to make more rubbish in this vein (excuse the pun!)...

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Jay and Fooka-who?

Fenster from , 3rd February, 2010

Richard Fitzpatrick, that's who – and, according to one particular and frequented internet encyclopedia, he died in 1813! But he came out of said retirement to perform in ‘Bitten’ with Jason Mewes as a pair of paramedics working the night shift. (Actually to be fair to the relative unknown Mr. Fitzpatrick, he has had some feature film experience, most notably in the post Weller Robocop franchise - but you can’t expect an encyclopedia to know everything...)
The movie (in all honesty) is quite terrible; however, it does have enough in its under-firing arsenal to provide a few lines of good writing, some scenes of average acting and generally sufficient punch and humor to hold an indie/gothic enthused audience. Some parts are actually quite cleverly amusing and Erica Cox is the perfect eye candy.
It’s a shock reversal of roles for Mewes, who finds himself holding a disdain for the dope-fiends he rescues from near death every night. ‘Jay’ (the usual sidekick for Silent Bob AKA Kevin Smith) has cleaned himself up to become ‘Jack’ the paramedic who finds he is dealing with an alternate junkie – a patient who has a penchant for blood (a condition for which a re-habilitation group is more like a buffet than an aid!)
To make matters more complicated, the ever caring, ever swearing Jack falls in love with the girl he rescued from the gutter beside his home (though you couldn’t blame him: she is hot, deadly and dosed with innocence).
Then he finds himself in that oft, all too familiar circumstance where he discovers that the beauty he’s shacked up with is nothing more than a life draining, severely high maintenance, moaning wench who has fits when she doesn’t get what she wants – namely an ever hungry vampire with a deep dark craving …and who’s not been there before?
Jack copes as best he can in the bizarre situation, even to the point where he willingly serves up a few of the local riff-raff for her insatiable needs. But things inevitably go downhill when Jack realizes that (here comes the vampire cliché) love really does suck. His clash between his conscience and that of his estranged love, forces him to turn to his co-worker and overly crass, anal infatuated friend – you read right – (played by the aforementioned Richard Fitzpatrick) to find an answer.
Though this is a pretty poor movie that won’t appeal to all, it does have a quaint charm about it. There have definitely been some elements of sound script writing involved and a promising concept betrayed only by its low budget and somewhat unusual casting. This said, however, I was impressed with Mr. Fitzpatrick’s contribution. I’ve not ever noticed him before in the world of movies, but he played his part well and you can see that he has weathered into a fairly able actor – wouldn’t be surprised if I see him turn up again in a Tarantino or Scorsese flick.
If you have a lot of time on your hands and want to view a bit of an improvised almost theatre-style movie with a few attempts at off-beat dark humor then give this title a try.
Additional Note: I have absolutely no idea what all the bright red 70s Mexican style credits intro was about… if you watch it perhaps you can shed some daylight?

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